This is the beginning of a long journey.............

This is the beginning of a long journey for me. I am 31 years old. And I have topped the scale at 284 pounds as of January 1, 2010. I have managed to disgust myself in ways I never imagined. I cannot stand to look at myself in the mirror. I cannot wear regular clothes anymore, I am officially a fat bitch who wears nothing but sweats and t-shirts.
I never imagined I would ever be this big. The torment inside myself is so over powering that it just screams every time I move. I have this huge fat thing called a stomach hanging on me and it is so disgusting! I wish I could cut it off. I can only imagine how I must look to other people. If my own skin makes me sick, it must make other people sick to look at it too.
And don't even get me started on these boobs, what the hell did I do so wrong to get this body? I used to look so hot before I had kids. Before............well yeah duh of course I looked hot, I took extreme measures to make sure I looked so good! I gagged myself and starved myself to death to get that body! But all the therapy and shit I went through to get over that shit, telling me food was not the evil, my habits were, what the hell where those people telling me! Shit, look at me know, food is my freaking friend! A friend I no longer wish to have! A friend I am sure I would want to live without these days.
So with the new year coming around I decided like everybody else that makes a resolution, to start something of my own, and that is A LIFE CHANGE, NOT A DIET! My life change will include a change in habits such as:
Staying up late, sleeping in til past noon-would change to going to bed by 10pm and up by 9am. Using the F bomb every time I open my mouth-would change to not saying it at all.
Not eating breakfast at all and only eating one meal a day-would change to eating a harty breakfast, medium lunch, and a balanced dinner, with a few snacks in between.
Yelling at the kids-would change to speaking one time and one time only to do what I say! lol and making more time with them to do things they want to do instead of sitting and watching movies all day long.
Being lazy-would change to getting off my ass and get motivated to exercise and help around the house more.
All these would be a start. I am focused on myself and my weight, I need to focus on these things or else I will continue to be the big blob I am today. I want to take things one step at a time, a slow pace.
My GOAL FOR JANUARY IS TO LOSE 10 POUNDS.
MY GOAL FOR THE YEAR IS TO LOSE AT THE LEAST 60 POUNDS AT THE MOST 100 POUNDS.
I don't want to be skinny, I just want to be healthy and comfortable in my own skin. I want to feel secure enough to wear the first set of clothes I put on and not have to change into the comfy sweats I feel secure in.
So here it is, me in my first blog, set out here for the world to see, I am on a journey, a journey of peace within my body, and if you want would like to follow me on this journey, support me, encourage me, and cheer me on, then I would love to have you here! Welcome to my life! :)